The Opinionated Ogre is a Stay-at-Home parent first, foul-mouthed hater of fascist Republicans second. He’s been making the most horrible people in the country miserable for 15 years and the hate he feels for American Nazis is eternal and without limits. He plans to stop torturing right-wing trash the day the last fascist dies. So, you know, never. Please help support this potty-mouthed newsletter for just $5/month or $50/year (Almost 17% less!)
Oh helllll fucking no! President Donald "I rape little girls” Trump thinks he’s going to use billions of American taxpayer dollars to fund his little South American road trip? Eat shit, piggy.
If you’re not sure what I’m referring to, let me catch you up on current events. Obviously, you know we invaded Venezuela and kidnapped their president, Nicolas Maduro, and, inexplicably, his wife, Cilia Flores. You should also know by now that all of the reasons the regime gave for targeting Venezuela up until the last couple of weeks were a lie. Fentanyl. Cocaine. The newly invented and completely fictional “narcoterrorism.” Spreading freedom and democracy. Bullshit. All of it.
Then Trump just decided to stop lying and told everyone it was about the oil. Trump wanted the oil. He really REALLY wanted the oil. He said it over and over and over again. That was OUR oil. Venezuela stole it from us and we wanted it back!
It was the whitest, most colonizer shit I have ever heard in my life. I don’t even think in terms of “colonizer,” and that’s all I could hear when Trump opened his creepy little anus mouth. That’s how blatant it was. I just watched all three Avatar movies in the last two weeks,1 and the invading bad guys from Earth are quite literally colonizers looking to steal the native resources and even THEY weren’t that much of a fucking caricature.
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Now, I don’t mean Trump is going to have us pay for the invasion itself. We’re already paying for the military’s almost trillion-dollar budget. Yaaaaay military-industrial complex. What I mean is that Trump thinks we’re going to foot the bill for the fucking disaster that’s already unfolding because he’s a fucking moron and so is everyone else in his regime of morons.
Moreover, he said, the U.S. may subsidize an effort by oil companies to rebuild the country’s energy infrastructure — a project he said could take less than 18 months.
“I think we can do it in less time than that, but it’ll be a lot of money,” he said. “A tremendous amount of money will have to be spent and the oil companies will spend it, and then they’ll get reimbursed by us or through revenue.”
Less than 18 months? The fuck it will. But Pedobrain is right that it will cost a lot of money. Conservative estimates suggest it will cost over $50 billion and take years just to maintain the decrepit systems already in place. To rebuild, much less expand, would take over a decade and cost over $180 billion.
The reason Trump is “offering” OUR fucking money to pay for it is because there is not one single oil company interested in doing business in Venezuela.
“But Uncle Ogre!,” you say, “Weren’t the oil companies behind this war in the first place?! Didn’t they push Trump to invade so they could steal the oil and make money?”
That seems like a really obvious conclusion, right? What kind of fucking moron invades a country to steal its oil only to discover no oil companies WANT the oil?
Allow me to reintroduce you to Donald “I stare directly into solar eclipses” Trump, the dumbest motherfucking pedophile to ever sit in the Oval Office.2
Yeah, this fucking genius, the greatest businessman in allll of American history I tells ya!, has been planning this invasion for months and overlooked a few crucial details. Such as:
What happens the next day. Like THE VERY NEXT FUCKING DAY! Who knows? We didn’t bother to plan that far ahead. Too boring. We’ll just fucking wing it!
Which bootlicking Trump lackey would run point on the whole thing after declaring ourselves conquering heroes? WE STILL DO NOT FUCKING KNOW WHO IS MAKING THE DECISIONS HERE AT HOME!
If the goal was to secure the oil, how would that be done? Would we just pump it onto American tankers? Would we just take over their oil industry? Would we hand it over to a friendly oil company and take a piece of the profits? NO ONE FUCKING KNOWS BECAUSE NO ONE THOUGHT TO ASK!
It seems like we were planning to have an American oil company move in and run the whole thing for us. ‘Murika! But after, Jesus Fucking Christ AFTER!!!!, we invaded, that’s when Trump and the imbeciles working for him/pulling his puppet strings looked around and realized no one wanted to touch Venezuela with a ten-foot pole.
And I get it. And so will you.
$50 billion just to keep the lights on is a lot of money. Venezuela is only producing about 1.1 million barrels of oil a day. Even getting it up to 2 million, it will take years to recoup a $50 billion investment. Let’s say someone drops the $180 billion to really get that oil flowing. It’s still going to take well over a decade to see a profit. Possibly twenty years.
Now, oil companies have the money and the patience. Buuuuut why the fuck would they EVER risk dropping that kind of money in a country where the oil industry was nationalized? Trump will be dead or in prison or living in exile within the next five years. The next Democratic president in 2029 is not going to go to war for oil in fucking Venezuela and every oil CEO knows it.
That’s why they all said “No.”
But if the United States government is paying for it? Well…that might be worth it. After all, if the whole thing falls apart, my oil company didn’t lose anything but some time and manhours and some equipment that’s already paid for. And the reward is access to a massive oil field.
Sure, the price of oil is kind of low right now and opening up a new giant market would be bad for business, but imagine being able to tell OPEC to fuck itself whenever I, the CEO of whichever oil company controls Venezuela, want? Kind of tempting…
But that means you and I, the American taxpayer, would be footing the bill while the oil company CEO gets all the profits. We already subsidize these greedy fucks to the tune of around $35 billion a year in the US. Fuck them and fuck giving them a single penny more to steal Venezuelan oil. If the people of Venezuela want Exxon or Chevron there, they can invite them in and cut their own deal. I’m not paying for a goddman thing so Trump can collect more bribes and soulless CEOs can buy a third or fourth yacht.
This whole thing is going to be a fucking disaster, and I’m tired of MY fucking money being set on fire by neo-con fucksticks with delusions of empire.
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There are 300 days until the most important midterm election in American history. The regime is afraid, and they should be. We are legion, and they are weak. Stay strong. You are never alone.
Fire and Ash is a lot of fun. Like the others, it really needs to be seen on a big screen, though. Avatar movies just do not translate well to small screens. Whether that is a flaw or a strength is up to you to decide.
The fact that there have been several is a problem for another time.





