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Welp! Hell has frozen over. Almost. And I don’t mean because a large chunk of the country is covered in “snowcrete” and it’s snowing in Florida.1 This is an actual headline in The Guardian today:
I have absolutely no idea who Jan-Werner Müller is. His write-up says he’s a professor of politics at Princeton University so, I guess he’s smart? And yet, he doesn’t quite stick the landing. But, man, he’s definitely onto something and I really REALLY hope he sinks his teeth in like a starving dog on a bone:
The basic idea is that self-declared moderates claim equally to oppose extremes on the right and on the left – but hard-hitting criticism is reserved almost exclusively for the left (partly, perhaps, because the presumed audience is expected to already know how bad things are on the right).
This perceptive observation was inadvertently vindicated in thousands of columns that contributed to a moral panic about “wokeness” and “identity politics”. It convinced readers that, sure, Trump was horrible, but what was happening “on campus” (translation: anecdotes from one or two elite places, endlessly recycled) was also putting US democracy in peril.
If you’ve been reading this newsletter or listening to the podcast for more than ten seconds, you know exactly what Müller is talking about. I’ve been screaming about this shit for years, before I even had the proper vocabulary to describe it. I didn’t even know the word “bothsiderism” until several years ago but I knew the alt-left was doing it way back in 2017 and the legacy press was doing it even longer than that. These are the two groups that ratfuck us nonstop.
Müller is talking more about the legacy press than he is the professional “far-left” (who fully supports white nationalism, somehow). The “very concerned” journalists who can’t seem to tell the difference between a progressive pushing for universal healthcare and a literal Nazi demanding the mass execution of progressive pushing for universal healthcare. It’s all so very confusing! They’re both so extreme in their demands!
Müller gets this aspect of bothsiderism:
The point is not that what progressives do must never be criticized; the point is that the relentless drive to find fault with both sides equally results in a sense of (false) equivalence among those taking cues from supposedly trustworthy centrists.
But then he misses the mark again:
This dynamic may well have not made a difference in the election outcome in 2024.
The fuck it didn’t. People voted for Trump because the legacy press and the alt-left created a permission structure for them to do so. Sure, Trump had staged an insurrection. Sure, Trump was a rapist. Sure, Trump was a thief, a liar, a literal traitor who had stolen classified documents and “lost” dozens of them. Sure, half a million Americans had died on his watch as he let Covid run rampant on fucking purpose.
But my goodness! Look at how extreme Democrats are! They support trans kids playing sports! They support unions! They support immigrants! That’s just fucking insane! And did we mention the trans thing!? Did you know Joe Biden is old? He’s soooo fucking old! And Kamala Harris is a woman with no policies. Or too many policies. No, Trump doesn’t have any policy proposals at all, but we’re not talking about him right now!
My god, what about Gaza? Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are blood-drenched monsters! So much worse than anything Trump could possibly do! Honest! Why, nothing in Trump’s decades of rabid racism could ever suggest he would be worse for Gaza! Democrats are clearly the warmongers!
We watched the legacy press and the alt-left spend a full year shamelessly spreading these lies over and over again. Of course it helped put Trump back in power. That was the point. There was even a word for what the press did for Trump: “Sanewashing.” The deliberate act of taking the insane ramblings of a deeply sick and dying man and laundering them for public consumption. Meanwhile, Joe Biden’s every stutter was proof he would be dead before November.
If Trump dies before Joe Biden, it will take every ounce of my self-restraint not to find Jake Tapper and slap him across his smug fucking face.
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Müller, however, makes up for this painful error by exposing the lie at the center of “bothsiderism”:
The other iron law of reactionary centrism – beyond the asymmetry that is hiding behind the seeming evenhandedness – is that only the left and liberals really have agency. The right just reacts – everything is always backlash, never a self-generated political project. As a result, it takes a while to wake up to the reality that, for instance, Stephen Miller’s ethnic cleansing project is self-generated, and not only a response to “legitimate grievances” about border security.
This is vital to any discussion about bothsiderism. It’s baked into the language the legacy press and the alt-left use. “Washington.” “Congress.” “The Establishment.” “Politicians.” Republicans pass a bill stripping funding for school lunches? It’s “Washington.” The GOP cancels dozens of green energy projects Democrats funded? It’s “Congress.” On the other hand, as Müller notes, Democrats pass a bill to protect voting rights and the “Republican backlash” is all their fault, as if the racist white men of the American right have not been blocking access to the ballot for over a century.
It’s all part of the game the press and the alt-left play to protect the right from the consequences of their actions. If everything the right does is a reaction, if everything they do is because they were “forced” to do it by the left, then you can’t really blame them, can you?
After all, the left made America accept gay marriage, so is it really the right’s fault they became even more homophobic? The left made America stop using racial slurs, so is it really the fault of the right that they became twice as racist? The left elected a fucking ██████ as president, so is it really the fault of the right that they turned to white nationalism and fascism?! Stop blaming poor innocent oppressed white men for everything, you fucking reverse racist! Take some responsibility!
The answer to that, of course, is suck my sweaty Jewarican balls, and if you thought racist white men were oppressed before, wait until the regime falls and Nuremberg II: Electric Chair Boogaloo starts, you treasonous fucks. Maybe going all in on fascism and genocide wasn’t such a good idea. Too late to go back in the Nazi closet now, though. Oh well.
Look, Müller may not get all the notes exactly right, but he’s definitely playing the right tune.2 He absolutely understands how dangerous these assholes are, even if, as a Princeton professor, he’s far too polite to put it that way. He does, however, end his piece with a warning:
The Joe Biden years were accompanied by a chorus of “don’t overdo it”. A post-Trump US may well see a revival of the greatest hits of the reactionary background singers. Think before listening.
Not “may well see,” absolutely 100% goddamn guaranteed WILL see. After the midterm bloodbath and Trump’s failed attempt to steal it, the legacy press is going to fly into damage control mode. There will be any number of columns begging Democrats, who will now be in control of the House and probably the Senate: Please please PLEASE for the love of God! Do not impeach Trump for a third time! Think of the strain on the nation! Think of how divisive it will! Sure, Trump just tried to overturn the results of the misterms and people were hurt in the process, but can’t we just move forward and hold him accountable in the 2028 election!??!!?
Meanwhile, the alt-left will be gearing up to tell people not to vote in 2028. I promise you, they will be out there every single day telling voters that if Democrats get back into power, something something Israel genocide Gaza argle barlge. Sure, Trump gave Netanyahu the greenlight to kill everything that moved, but, really, aren’t Democrats just as guilty? Aren’t they MORE guilty? Aren’t Democrats the REAL monsters controlled by the fucking Jews Israel?!
The legacy press and alt-left will be in overdrive to maintain the lie of bothsiderism. A year from now, the regime will be so far off the edge, the legacy press will have to fabricate from whole cloth Democratic extremism to “balance the scales.” By 2028, the GOP will be openly appealing to Nazis and actual Democrats will be erased from news coverage lest they appear too rational and normal, making Republicans look like the fucking monsters they are. Better to just tell the public how extreme both sides are and let them decide for themselves, right? That’s only fair. And we have to be fair, don’t we? That’s the point of bothsiderism! Fairness, and not at all to hide the utter insanity and soulless cruelty of the GOP.
Still, it’s a good sign that someone in the legacy press is calling this bullshit out. Hopefully, this will not be the last time Müller writes about this. You'd better be goddamn sure it won't be the last time I write about it. Müller may not quite grasp the intentional lie at the center of all of this, but I surely do, and I will never EVER stop calling these ratfucking assholes out until the last one of them resigns in disgrace.
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There are 272 days until the most important midterm election in American history. The regime is afraid, and they should be. We are legion, and they are weak. Stay strong. You are never alone.
No, seriously, it actually snowed in Florida and woke up to ice on her windshield. Actual ice, not the Nazi kind.
I have so many metaphors in this article, it’s like a goddamn salad. And yet, still more intelligible than Trump on his best day.








