Can you hear the slosh of the flood of crocodile tears around my ankles as I sit here writing this? I feel so, so sorry for Petey “I’ll stand my ground at the Pentagon as I beg Marsha Blackburn to appoint me to her Senate seat” Hegseth. In the words of multiple headlines today, “the knives are out” in both the Pentagon and the White House for the beleaguered Secretary of (cough, cough) War.
Why is Hegseth so worried? The Republican firing squad has gathered with Petey at its center ready to blame him for the lost war in Iran and the lost midterm elections.
Wait a minute! I get the war blame, but what the fuck did Petey have to do with Paxton going down in flames in Texas, or Susan Collins whining her way to defeat in Maine, or the projected loss of what looks to be 50 or more House seats in practically every state in the nation? I mean, Petey was so busy doing pushups and lining up male members of the military to take the jab and get their testosterone checked, he hardly had time to lose the midterms!
Or did he? Turns out that Petey did make a few stops during the fall campaign. He appeared in Kentucky during the primary to support Ed Gallrein who was running against Trump-target Thomas Massie of Kentucky who earned Trump’s ire for several reasons, most prominent among them his partnership with Democrat Ro Khanna to force a House vote that compelled the DOJ to release the Epstein files. Hegseth also flew out to Iowa late in the campaign to give a speech for Republican Zach Nunn supporting his campaign to save his House seat…which didn’t work, since Nunn lost his race to Democrat Sarah Trone Garriott in one of the party’s several House pick-ups in Iowa. Petey also made a campaign stop in Wisconsin to support Republican Derrick Van Orden in his House campaign. Didn’t work, either. Van Orden lost to Democrat Rebecca Cooke in a 52 to 46 blow-out.
If Hegseth can be blamed for contributing to the loss of only two House seats in the disastrous performance of Republicans on Tuesday, what’s going on? Why are the knives out for poor Petey?
Well, to answer that question we need look only as far as his face. Hegseth is one of the most hated people in his party. He’s arrogant, inflexible, stupid, self-obsessed -- but hell, that describes the man he works for to a “T” just as it describes practically every Republican who lost on Tuesday as well as all of those who fucking won.
Leaks out of the White House even before the Republican Party collapsed on Tuesday had Hegseth in the crosshairs of Suzi Wiles, never a good sign when you’re contemplating your future under Trump. What could possibly have pissed her off? Every time Hegseth got up in the morning, he fired another general or admiral or messed around with Pentagon promotion boards, creating a headache for the Wiles and the White House which was increasingly hard-pressed to answer questions about Hegseth’s Pentagon rein of terror.
And then, of course, there was the war.
Who was responsible for the war? The answer to that question is plainly Donald Trump. But when the war went south, who was responsible? Couldn’t be the Commander in Chief. He’s a military genius of the first order. Look at the man. He’s even got photographs of himself standing tall in the uniform he wore when he went to a Hudson Valley military school for boys that was at least close to West Point! And he loves SCIFs and top-secret briefings from generals and admirals, just as long as they don’t happen too often and get in the way of his many, many building projects. What is important when you’re president, anyway? Risking the lives of Americans fighting in a war, or scheduling the tear-down of the East Wing and forcing the re-construction of a helipad on the South Lawn of the White House because the first one was not level enough?
You may have noticed that it’s now two days since the midterm elections and there are no bombs falling on Iran’s Pickaxe Mountain or on the infrastructure targets that Trump threatened in the days leading up to the elections. What could possibly be going on with that?
Oh, I almost forgot that we’re pretty much out of bombs and missiles. Petey has already been pointing fingers to blame others for that little misstep. Last week he fired the Pentagon’s top war planner, Lieutenant General Brett Sylvia, in preparation for more blame casting and finger pointing.
And there have recently been those pesky leaks, complete with photographs, showing the extensive damage done to U.S. military bases all over the Persian Gulf region…and who is responsible for that? Well, today there were stories that Hegseth is thinking of firing the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Dan Caine, and the commander of Central Command, Admiral Brad Cooper, who all of a sudden is being identified in every story about the abortive war in Iran as the war’s “architect” and strongest defender.
How much did we hear about Brad when the bombs were dropping and the missiles were flying back in March and April and the other months when the war was going hot and heavy? Not a peep. Who was front and center in bragging about how peachy things were going back in those days?
Petey, that’s who.
But hey, folks! Somebody’s got to pay for the biggest military disaster since our last two or three military disasters! Who’s available for that sorry task?
Petey, that’s who.
Hegseth is about to learn a hard lesson about working for a narcissistic fuckwad like Donald Trump. Rule number one: don’t make the man who got us into the war that Republicans have now decided lost the midterms look bad.
There are no good solutions to where the Republican Party finds itself right now. They can blame their losses on the war, but that means they have to blame someone for the war, and they can’t blame Trump, so that means they need to find someone else to blame.
This is why you are able to see two streaks in the sky over Washington D.C. tonight, the contrails left by JD Vance and Marco Rubio flying the fuck out of town to avoid the blame game. JD wrote a novel on X after the election explaining that he had been against the war all along. Marco has his leakers ringing up every reporter they’ve got a number for pointing out the lack of Rubio fingerprints on the Gun that Killed the Republicans, the war in Iran.
And what do we find at the top of our newsfeeds this morning? Leaks that Mrs. Petey was paid a small fortune to consult for Lockheed Martin, the massive defense contractor that – oh, by the way – has taken in a cool $66 billion since Mr. Petey has been running the Pentagon that signs all the checks to defense firms such as…Lockheed Martin.
I guess that little gem of news coming out two days after Republicans lost the midterms and are in full-cry blaming the war on Iran for their losses is just a coincidence, right?
The blame for the collapse of the Republican Party in the midterms couldn’t fall on the man who flew all over the country for 29 days bragging to the MAGAs half-filling high school gyms that he won the war on Iran! That would be, uh, unacceptable.
Bye, bye Petey. Make sure you tuck your testosterone test results in your pants on your way out the door.





