There is nothing that Hollywood likes better than making a meal out of amateur lunch meat, and that’s what happened today when Paramount/Skydance bought Warner Brothers Discovery for a reported $110 billion. It’s being called the deal of the century. It may be, in sheer dollar terms, but it breaks about a hundred of Hollywood’s rules that have been time-tested in the more than hundred-year history of the place.
The first rule in Hollywood is never put up your own money. The deal was apparently closed last night when David Ellison, son of Larry Ellison, multi-zillionaire founder and executive chairman of Oracle, called David Zaslav of Warners Discovery and told him papers were on their way over to him with an offer of $31 per share for the company, and Daddy Ellison was backstopping the deal personally, guaranteeing the debt incurred by Paramount in the deal with his own fortune.
You could practically hear the steaks sizzling at Warners Discovery as Zaslav hung up the phone. He got everything he wanted for Warners Discovery, plus.
Not only did the Ellisons guarantee the deal personally, they agreed to pay Warners shareholders $7 billion if regulators nix the deal; they signed on to pay the $2.8 billion “breakup fee” to Netflix that Warners Discovery would otherwise have owed Netflix, and they threw in a $.25 cents a share payoff for stockholders for every month it takes to close the deal.
There were other sweeteners in the deal worth even more billions. Suffice to say, Paramount/Skydance, or should I say the Ellisons, paid a bloody fortune for a company whose stock was as low at $7 a share not too long ago.
Hollywood has seen other outsiders come in and buy studios and try to make movies before. Sony, the Japanese electronics firm, bought Columbia Pictures in 1989. Comcast, a telecom/cable company, bought NBC/Universal from General Electric in 2011. Amazon bought MGM Studio for $8.5 billion in 2022.
Hollywood, that is the people who live there and make movies and television, love it when outsiders take over studios and start trying to do what Hollywood people know how to do and have been doing for decades. After initial cuts and reshuffling of jobs, the newbies start throwing money around like Trump throwing rolls of paper towels in Puerto Rico. The key theory is, everybody is for sale in Hollywood, so the way to get people on your team is to throw money at them.
Every time there’s a merger, people in Hollywood get rich. Even the heads of studios and other executives who get laid off when studios change hands make out like bandits, because at the top levels of Hollywood, nobody is ever really fired. When studio chieftains are let go or otherwise lose their jobs, they’re given so-called “production deals” that include offices on the studio lots and budgets of millions to hire staffs and start looking for creative properties that the studio agrees to buy for them in their severance deals.
Outsiders like the Ellisons think that because they’re tech geniuses and know everything there is to know about chips and computer networks, making deals and making money in Hollywood will be a piece of cake.
The secret, hidden, only-whispered truth in Hollywood is that it’s harder than it looks. And that goes for every level. Writers who have had successful careers as novelists…uh, let’s say me…move to Hollywood to get in the screenplay business because the money is good and it looks easy. A novel is 600, 800 pages, a screenplay is 120. How hard could it be?
Hard. Very, very hard.
The same goes at every level and for every job in making movies and TV shows. The famous screenwriter William Goldman’s equally famous rule about the movie business was “nobody knows anything.” What he meant was, nobody knows what makes a movie or a TV show “good,” what the magic is that will turn a screenplay into a blockbuster at the box office or the Nielsen ratings. “Seinfeld” is a famous example. When it first aired, practically nobody was watching. But the network and the studio took a chance that the show would build, and it turned into one of the most successful enterprises in the history of Hollywood. But nobody knew that would happen when it was a screenplay being passed from hand to hand.
From the outside, Hollywood looks like a slot machine. You keep putting in quarters and pulling the handle and suddenly, there is a cascade of coins, and you’ve hit it rich! Plus, there is the Hollywood glamor – you get to hang out with famous actors, you get to go on the set and watch the magic happen…
Nobody tells the people who come in from the outside that making movies is like watching paint dry. Endless standing around, endless waiting, endless adjustments of everything from camera angles to rain machines, and then finally a couple of actors walk in, they turn on the lights and they say two lines, and everybody goes back to twiddling their thumbs again.
Well, at least Ellison The Younger has made a few movies with Tom Cruise, so maybe he’s over the stars-in-his-eyes stage. The fact that he moved quickly from buying Paramount to buying Warners Discovery seems to indicate that he has already learned that the other thing hotshots do in Hollywood is make big deals, and he’s made himself a whopper of a deal now.
But now comes the dirty work of making movies and TV shows and managing streaming networks like HBO. And then there is CNN, the television news network that is part of Warners Discovery that has now landed in the lap of two of Donald Trump’s biggest tech-boy fans. Ellison The Younger was at Trump’s big and ver-r-ry long State of the Union speech on Tuesday night, and Ellison the Elder has contributed tens of millions to Republican superpacs that have backed Donald Trump’s political career, and he played a key role in Trump’s…what can we call it…transfer of majority ownership of TikTok to American control, chiefly to Trump lovers like Ellison himself.
Ellison the Elder just announced today that he will move his primary residence from Hawaii to Palm Beach, where he has paid $173 million for an estate just a couple of blocks from, you guessed it, Mar a Lago, the Trump hotel/residence/club/crime headquarters. That’s how chummy they are.
Trump has been on what amounts to a campaign to get oligarchs friendly to him to control media empires and news outlets of every sort, from Bezos’ running of the vaunted and now-vanquished Washington Post, to Ellison The Younger’s recent purchase of Paramount that included CBS News, to both Ellisons’ take-over of Warners Discovery that will include CNN, to the Sinclair family’s network of local television stations that run conservative local news shows, to Rupert Murdoch and his ownership of Fox News, the Holy Grail of Trumpian round-the-clock lie-production and fascism-spread.
But once again, the outsiders are learning that running media empires ain’t as easy as it looks, either. Jeff Bezos, another billionaire who thinks he’s a genius and everything he touches turns to gold, is currently running the Washington Post right into the ground, laying off half its news staff, ending its book review section, slashing its foreign bureaus, cutting costs everyplace he can find because he thinks profits come from moving money around, not producing news that people want to read. Before Bezos got started on his latest round of cuts, dozens of the Post’s best reporters and writers took buyouts or just resigned and went elsewhere. He stopped cutting fat long ago, moved on to cutting meat, and now he’s removing organs from the carcass that was the Washington Post.
Ellison the Younger thought he could do something similar with CBS News, the storied House of Murrow and Cronkite. He installed Bari Weiss as executive in charge of news at CBS, and she proceeded to fire or cause the resignation of dozens of people who had turned CBS News and shows like 60 Minutes into massive successes. Predictably, ratings have crashed, she’s lost news stars like Anderson Cooper, and CBS news seems to want to be in competition for the same red-hats who already have Fox News on in their living rooms, garages, diners, and offices.
It’s not working. It’s rumored that Ellison The Younger will give CNN to Bari to work her magic on. That means they’ll be closing foreign bureaus, because hey, who wants to watch news about all those foreigners we’re keeping out of our country. She’ll start laying off people, those who decide not to resign in advance of layoffs, and it’s pretty much a sure thing that Anderson Cooper won’t be sticking around, among others, I would assume. There will be the same kind of talent-stampede there has been at the Washington Post and CBS.
Conservatives have a thing about talent. They don’t like it. Talent gets in the way of stuff like “messaging” and “lying” and “loyalty” and “hero worship” of bottom feeding hogs like Donald Trump. Look what happened today: the rock ‘n roll band Radiohead demanded that Kristi Noem stop using their hit song “Let Down” in the ICE social media accounts boosting hiring of thugs to put on the streets to gas, beat, and kill people. Take note, please: ICE wasn’t using a Kid Rock song, or a Ted Nugent song. They used Radiohead because…talent. When you haven’t got it on your side, steal it. That’s the Trump way, that’s the Kristi Noem way, that’s the way of fascists across the board.
So, what happened today in Hollywood, and what happened with CBS, and what will happen with CNN is the consolidation of Donald Trump’s attempt to control the media like his pal Vladimir Putin has done in Russia. But the Ellisons and Bari and Bezos and Trump and the rest of them are going to find that ownership of media doesn’t mean people are going to pay attention. The Washington Post has lost hundreds of thousands of subscribers. CBS News ratings numbers are reaching new lows. If you want to make money in the United States, you have to get in the Capitalism sandbox and start competing for eyeballs and wallets.
Putin doesn’t have to do that. He started his media takeover by getting oligarch friends to buy up newspapers and TV networks. Then he starting making competing media outlets illegal. Then he just nationalized the whole thing, so media is basically run by the state in Russia. The Ellisons and Bezos’ and Baris of Russia don’t have to make money for their companies, because they’re backed up by the government.
As much as Donald Trump would like the own the media and put his name on it, like he’s doing all over Washington D.C., the U.S. government isn’t going to own television networks and newspapers. The ones that are friendly to Trump will have to compete with all the other media outlets for eyeballs and wallets. And while all this consolidation is going on with the Big Boy Billionaires, independent outlets like Substack and YouTube channels are exploding all over the place. People are getting their news and entertainment on their phones as much if not more than they get both from television or newspapers and magazines.
The ground is shifting under the feet of the billionaires. They don’t know any better than anyone else what makes people want to watch a movie or a TV show or pick up a newspaper and read it. AI isn’t going to help them, because AI is fucking boring. All it does is regurgitate what it’s been fed by its “learning” algorithms. People don’t want to be regurgitated to. They want to read and watch and listen to something new that comes from someone talented.
I just can’t wait for Paramount and Warner Brothers under the ownership of Ellison the Younger and Elder to start generating right-wing red hat crap to force feed to the masses. You’ll be able to ski down the graphs of their companies’ profits and ratings. It’s harder than it looks.




