Two of the worst people in the world are fighting. The long-expected and unavoidable blow-up between Donald Trump and Elon Musk is here and it’s better than anything I could have imagined. The only reason I haven’t overdosed on popcorn is because my daughter got braces last week and I don’t want to make her feel bad because she’s not allowed to have any. But in my mind, I’m consuming vast quantities and enjoying the show.
But who am I rooting for? Who do I want to win? Well, to be honest, the actual answer is that I’d love to have Musk and Trump fighting in the Oval Office over who gets to be president for life and then have the entire West Wing crushed by a Qatari 747.
These are dark times but I will continue to tell the stories you need to hear in a clear (and usually profane) voice. If I entertain/anger/inform you, preferably all three, please consider becoming a supporting subscriber today for only $5 a month or just $50 a year.
Since THAT’S not going to happen (an Ogre can dream though, right?), I’ll settle for the next best thing:
My hope is that this mutually assured destruction comes in two stages. First, Trump annihilates Musk and then Musk gets his revenge. But I really need Trump to win the first round because if Musk wins, that’s bad for all of us in ways I can’t even begin to describe.
Ready? Let’s take a look at Ogre’s Wet Dream. Too much? Trust me, when I’m done, you, too, will have a pleasant warm feeling in your nether regions. Here we go. Bowchickabowwow!
Now that Musk has let his own ego run rampant at losing his seat at the Big Boy table, we have a unique opportunity and please dear god let this fucking happen. Trump has already threatened it and I almost cried when I saw his tweet:
This would be incredibly illegal and extremely disruptive. But you know what? Trump is a fucking fascist already engaged in crime on a level undreamed of even as he set the world’s economy on fire. Musk’s DOGE has already disrupted massive swaths of the federal government, murdered hundreds of thousands across the globe with millions to follow.
How delicious would it be if all of that chaos and crime and horror were used to do something actually beneficial?
Musk has become so deeply embedded in the US military and federal government that he is now a center of gravity unto himself. That is wildly dangerous. He’s a cancer actively attacking the host body and I would very VERY much like to remove him. But under normal circumstances, this is all but impossible to do. There are billions of dollars tied up in his contracts. Normal administrations would never just walk away because of the disruption. The court cases alone would take a decade.
But the Trump regime is all about ignoring the courts and the damage done, aren’t they? They’re ripping out vital organs left and right. I would love nothing more than if they were to rip out all of Musk’s cancer. How much more damage could they possibly do at this point? Why not rip out the toxic if they’re already purging the good?
This would cripple Musk who has built much of his business plan of soaking the taxpayer for billions over the next 20-30 years while delivering as little as possible in return.
He’ll still be the richest man in the world but he’ll have lost his control over the military. If we’re already paying the price, we might as well get something worth the pain.
Are you feeling a little sweaty yet? Yeah, you are. Here comes the money shot. Ooh yeah.
Trump is a petty vengeful person and Musk is really pissing him off. Musk has threatened his MAGA Murder Budget bill. He’s talking smack about him on Twitter. He essentially called him a pedophile. He’s called for his removal from office. Musk has threatened to use his vast wealth to hurt Trump and that’s not an empty threat.
There’s little chance that Trump will not severely hurt Musk. No one can challenge a strongman leader and walk away unscathed, even the richest man in the world. It’s a sign of weakness and Trump cannot allow himself to appear weak, ever.
So, Trump will lash out at Musk in some way. Musk, as the richest man in the world, will have to either back down or fight back. And he knows if he backs down, Trump owns him.
What do you suppose the chances are that the richest man in the world will allow someone to own him? Zero? Less than zero? Hell fucking no not ever?
Them midterms is comin’ up and Musk knows how to monkey with people’s perception of a candidate. He’s already threatened to primary any Republican who makes him mad. What if he decides to run 40 Republicans who are loyal to him in districts that are tired of Trump? He doesn’t have to win the seats to fuck Trump, he just has to ensure Republicans lose.
Musk could also run a relentless anti-Trump campaign on Twitter. As the premiere site for Neo-Nazis, this would risk turning Trump’s core base, white nationalists, against him. They’re obviously not going to vote for Democrats but if they stop voting for Republicans, that’s a problem for the GOP.
Tell me you’re not all hot and bothered thinking about the possibilities of these two assholes destroying each other.
And then there’s this:
Musk is a junkie who will not live for another 40 years but he’s right that Trump won’t be around as long. Even if Trump declares himself Emperor For Life, he’s 80 and his health is not great. If he makes it to 85 and is not a drooling vegetable, I’ll be surprised. Not for nothing, outliving Trump is one of the things that gets me up in the morning.1
Republicans have to be doing the same math. Loyalty to Trump is great and all but is it worth risking the wrath of the richest man in the world who holds grudges? Oh…what to do…what to do? I feel so BAD for them!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH!! No I don’t.
If Trump starts to hit Musk and Musk starts to retaliate, you are, for sure, going to see some Republicans distance themselves from Trump. Trump is old and while Musk may not be the future of the GOP, he’ll be more of a threat in 10 years than a dead Donald Trump.
Ahhh…a long-term GOP civil war. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Anyway, we really REALLY want this or some variation of it to occur. What we absolutely do not want is for Musk to stage his own coup and have Trump removed like he’s been threatening. Putting JD Vance in power would Bad. Very Bad.
Remember, JD Vance belongs to Peter Thiel. Vance only exists because of the Silicon Valley Broligarchy. He’s also smart. Like, for real smart. He’s got the personality of a blank piece of paper but he’s not stupid. That means he will follow orders and he’s a true believer in the Silicon Valley religion where humans are a disposable impediment in the quest of billionaire immortality.
Under no circumstances can JD Vance be allowed to ascend to the presidency. Trump’s erratic stupidity is the only thing keeping him from being Putin or Hitler. JD Vance is not crippled by a lack of intelligence and an addiction to drama and chaos.
In this fight between two of the worst people to ever walk the Earth, we want Donald Trump to win. And then immediately be destroyed by the junkie Nazi loser Elon Musk. That’s the best-case scenario we can hope for.
After that, we topple the regime and come for them all with pitchforks, torches, and life sentences for all the ratfucks who tried to destroy this country.
Now go smoke a cigarette and change your underwear. Leave a $20 on the dresser and recommend me to all your friends. 😜
I hope you feel better informed about the world and ready to kick fascists in the teeth to protect it. This newsletter exists because of you, so please consider becoming a supporting subscriber today for only $5 a month or just $50 a year. Thank you for everything!
Fascism hates organized protests. They fear the public. They fear US. Make fascists afraid again by joining Indivisible or 50501 and show them whose fucking country this is!
The Blue Wave has begun and the fascist fucks are scared. There are 150 days until it hits Virginia and Pennsylvania. If I were a billionaire fascist loser, I’d think REALLY hard about getting out of the way.
I’m going to get so fucking drunk the day he dies. There will be lobster and shrimp and so much fucking alcohol. I may get drunk enough that I’ll forget Trump died, which will be awesome because I can wake up the next day and celebrate it again!